I'm No Longer Looking for the Woman of My Dreams

The idea of love has been a nightmare

Walter Pop Matthews IV
8 min readJun 27, 2022


Photo by Alimarel on Unsplash

Before you begin reading this article, I must say that as a man first and then as a writer I’ve struggled with writing in this genre for at least a year. My drafts are a graveyard of unfinished articles on love and relationships why? I’m tired of being disappointed. Real-time romance has so many ups, downs, highs, lows, peaks, and valleys that I couldn’t handle it.

Also, I’m not a fan of my love life being analyzed whether it’s positive or negative. Maybe I’m a control freak. I don’t know. Writing about being in love or my heart breaking is very uncomfortable. It’s interesting that love and relationships are the genres that my articles did the best numbers in and it’s where I made the most money. I stayed away from it like the plague though.

At the height of interest in that kind of material too. I’m an artist that goes with the flow. I write about how I feel at the moment. The reason why this article is seeing the light of day is that I’m self-publishing it. I no longer have to wait around for it to be accepted. I feel the freedom to just put it out there when I’m ready. So here I am full circle. I hope you enjoy it.

I will never be ready for you.

Walter IV

I wondered what having the girl of my dreams was all my life. What is that even based on? Movies? In my eyes, rich men, other guys I envied with the so-called perfect girlfriend? I even had a woman that favors the featured photo. I thought I was in love, and she was the woman of my dreams. I had butterflies and all of that Rom-Com Disney ish.

She seemed to like this mythical being that I could never attain. The various relationships had pieces of what I thought she was, but it always left me broken and empty.

My expectations probably were too high. What do I even what from a woman? Epic romance? Fairy tale wedding? White picket fence with a dog? Or do I want to live like a rockstar with a constant flow of hot rendezvous?

Hey, I had a little taste of everything. I had teenage love, epic 20-something love, toxic love, empath love, in love with love kind of love, and even a summer fling love. I appreciated them all for what…



Walter Pop Matthews IV

A writer who has written an autobiography in poetry form, songs, a play and thought provoking commentary on various online platforms.